Consume me

There is this thing. It has taken over my thoughts, my prayers, my dreams...everything. I am totally consumed by this thing. I can't tell you what it is, but its something I desperately want to happen. I'm not one of those people who is blessed with the ability to pray without stopping. But this thing has taken over my thoughts in such a powerful way that my thoughts have turned into constant prayers asking God for this situation to go the way I want it to. There are 1000 other important things going on in my life and in the world around me that are up in the air, but none of that seems to be as important as this one thing. I don't think I have ever prayed about something so intensely or thought about something so much.

And I feel so selfish. All I think about is this thing and how I want it to turn out. I know our thoughts are, by nature, very self-centered, but this is a bit much. However, I know it is okay to have self-centered prayers and thoughts sometimes. It is okay to let this consume me, my thoughts and my prayers.

What really bothers me though, is I am rarely this consumed by anything else. Do I pray non-stop for a friend who has been in the hospital for over a month? Or praising God for the amazing things He is doing? I don't allow other things to completely consume me. I know we can't possibly be consumed by something 100% of the time. We compartmentalization to survive. But could I let something consume me for an hour... or even a whole day? YES! Do I? no.

This one situation has consumed me in a way I've never really been consumed before. I've realized I am in constant communication with God. I am constantly seeking him and asking for guidance and direction....about this one thing that I want. I've been consumed by situations, people, and God's power before. But I never allowed it to drive away other thoughts, to consume ALL of me for a long period of time. Things have a time limit, an amount of effort I'm willing to use. But this has taken me over like nothing before. Its draining and hard to allow myself to be completely consumed and let this thing totally wash over me. And I want it more! Maybe not more of this, this situation is confusing and messy. But  I want to be consumed by God, by prayer for others. I want to allow myself to be consumed by things bigger than me!