A day without technology

Life has been....well life. Some really crazy and scary things have happened, and some really legit things have happened too. But it is all overwhelming. I needed  a break or my brain would explode. So I thought to myself  "where are you the most at peace? Where do you process stress the best?" Answer: CAMP! Well, I couldn't just pick up and go to camp so I thought about what makes camp peaceful. Answer: No technology. There aren't 1000 things bidding for my attention. I am focused on the people around me, the job I need to do, and most importantly, I am focused on God. So I decided to have a day without a phone. I turned it off last night before I went to bed and didn't turn it back on until 9:00 tonight. And the only time I got on the computer was to do actual work, not to play on facebook, twitter, pinterest, etc.  Just short of 24 hours with out social media, email, or texting.

And it was....

WONDERFUL!!!!!

For me, not having a phone is just as natural as having one. I guess I should credit that to 5 years at camp. I know most people can't turn their phone off, cold turkey, and be okay. But it was pure bliss. Seriously, it was truly amazing. I didn't hide from the world or anything. I'm not becoming an introvert, that would be a bit much. I posted on facebook before I turned my phone off, telling people I was throwing it back to the 90's and turning my phone off, but I would be around campus all day, so come find me. In between classes I hung out with friends, laughed, and had coffee. It was a normal day. Only better. My attention wasn't split between a friend an a frustrating email or homework and twitter. I enjoyed the people I was with, focused on my work, and just had a more clear head.

It also put a lot of other things in perspective. A smart phone sometimes makes me think I can do everything all at once. But today, I could only do one thing at a time, only talk to that one person or group of people in front of me, and deal with one issues at a time. Everything wasn't pressing down on me at once. I didn't feel anxious or behind. I dealt with what was in front of me and then moved on.

This is something I really need to remember because I try to take everything on, fix everything, and be all things to all people. Don't get me wrong, technology is a beautiful thing, but sometimes I need to step away from it and remember I am only one person, and I can only do so much.

Next time you feel like you are being pulling in 100 different directions, turn your phone off. See what happens. ;)

Crying, blowing stuff up, and the Beatles

I really really don't like being a last semester senior. I have so much work to do, but can't do any of it because a week ago I was in my "I don't care" mind set and didn't think it import to order text books. I'm already 200+ pages behind in reading. It seems like every day I have 10 more important decisions to make. I am completely overwhelmed by my to-do list, and just life itself.

So today I just decided to get happy. Do things I know will get me out of my funk, and get my mind off everything that is going on.  First, I balled. I hate crying, really and truly hate it. But sometimes it feels good to just cry. I foresee myself crying more this semester. God, lets hope I don't become one of those people that cry all the time. Once in a while in fine, but all the time...no. I couldn't take that.For some people, it is fine to be a crier. I am not one of those people. But today, it was good, to just let loose and cry!

Second, I went out to dinner with friends, which was by far the best decision I've made all day. They totally pulled me out of my bitch/panic mood and put me into a really great mood. I love my friends and seriously don't know what I would do without them! (I would probably just sit and mope.)

After dinner, we shot off fireworks!! That's right, fireworks in NC. In truth, they were mostly sparklers which are perfectly legal in NC. It is really hard to be upset when you get to play with  fire  sparklers!

Then there is this. Here comes the Sun. Thanks to my dad, I have grown up listening to The Beatles and other awesome bands. Something about this song just makes me smile. I love it and always have. So naturally I cranked it up today.  Its not my favorite Beatles song, but its my happy Beatles song.

Sometimes you just gotta get happy. There will be days when crying, friends, or a favorite song won't be enough. There will be days when life is just shit. But there are days like today when these things are able to give me a whole new outlook. I have to remember to embrace the things that make me happy.  It is easy to sit and stress. When I'm having a bad day, it takes energy and effort to be happy! But it is worth the work. I can find happiness in small things, I don't have to let the stress take over. And there is really nothing better than letting something little, something I love and enjoy, totally fill me up. :)

From not caring to panic in 2.5 seconds.

My last semester of college starts in a day and a half. Up until today, I have not cared. I'm graduating in May, everything else is just whatever. But today, I got (some of) my books, had a UCM meeting, and walked around campus, which is now full of life and everyone is back. Shit. I went from not caring to totally overwhelmed in 2.5 seconds. There is so much I have to do and figure out in the next 5 months and it all hit me at once.  I think having the mind set of "I don't care" for the past month has somehow made me think this semester wasn't going to happen. Like if I could live in denial long enough it really would just go away. But today was a huge slap in the face. Life is happening. My last semester is here and I have no clue what I'm doing or goals or anything!

I let the thoughts take over. I let the panic set in. My heart started to race and my eyes were bugging out. The phrase "I can't" started playing over and over in my head. I was quickly on my way to shutting down. But then, I remembered a moment from this summer. I was sitting in my campus minsters office, completely overwhelmed, with a list about a mile long of things that needed to happen this year. I needed to 

.Bring my GPA up

.find a job

figure out which Divinity school I was going to apply to

.Make some decisions about SHINE

When that memory of this summer flashed in my head, I realized all those things had happened. God was reminding me how freaked out I was in July, but He had not abandoned  me. Things happened, I had the guidance I needed and I made it through that semester. Now, does that memory suddenly make me think everything is going to be sunshine and roses? Hell no! I am still scared out of my mind and really overwhelmed at everything I need to do and figure out before May. But there is a peace. No....peace isnt the right word. Assurance is better. I have an assurance. Like taking a deep breath. The overwhelming feeling is still there but I can think more clearly. And that is something I really need to work on. I need to work on remembering God's assurance is always there, I just have to embrace it. Even when I go from not caring to panic mood in 2.5 seconds. 

Book blog part 2

I recently read two very different but great books. The first was "The Book Thief" by Markus Zusak and the second  "A year of Biblical Womanhood" by Rachel Held Evans. These two books could not be more different but I couldn't put them down and they both made me stop and think about things.

"The Book Thief" follows Liesel, a young German girl during Nazi Germany.  As Hitler raises to power, Liesel and her foster parents have to make a huge decision between what is right and what is deadly. When an old friend, who happens to be a Jewish man, shows up on their door step looking for safety, they decide to do what is right and hide him in their basement. The story is narrated by Death, which I thought was a really interesting way to tell the story. Its one of those books that just sucks you in. You care so much about the characters, even though they are fictional. There are a lot of amazing themes in the books, like the power of words, friendship, family, and carrying on. But the best theme in the book is to love someone just because they are human. A person doesn't have more or less value because they meet certain requirements. They are valued because they are a person.
 

The second book, "A Year of Biblical Womanhood" is Rachel Held Evan's year long account of trying to live the bible literally. It is impossible to live the bible literally in our modern world. You just can't do it. What I love about this book, is she did try to literally live out the bible, all the rules and demands it has for women. But she also looked to see how you could apply it to today and live a Godly life, rather than a biblical life. This book made me crave God. I wanted to dive into scripture. I saw passages differently. It was great! Throughout the book, she had a ton of great quotes, lessons and comments. My book is underlined and multiple pages are flagged. But two statements stood out to me. The first, came toward the end of the book when she was wrapping things up, but also when she was addressing the issue of women's roles in the church. Rachel said "Like the rest of the bible, the Epistles were written for us but they were not written to us." The bible was not written for 21st century America. We have to look at the culture and the context. That doesn't mean we should regard the bible as ancient.But we should value the bible enough to understand the passage. The second quote comes from her chapter on marriage and roles between husband and wife. "But roles are not fixed. They are not static. Roles come and go; they shift and they change. They are relative to our culture and subject to changing circumstances. Its not our roles that define us but our character."  I have never believed that a man has the final say in a family just because he is a man. that view is reflected in my family, there isnt one more important than another, its equal. 

These books are extremely different but they have both stuck in my head. I really enjoyed reading them.