From not caring to panic in 2.5 seconds.

My last semester of college starts in a day and a half. Up until today, I have not cared. I'm graduating in May, everything else is just whatever. But today, I got (some of) my books, had a UCM meeting, and walked around campus, which is now full of life and everyone is back. Shit. I went from not caring to totally overwhelmed in 2.5 seconds. There is so much I have to do and figure out in the next 5 months and it all hit me at once.  I think having the mind set of "I don't care" for the past month has somehow made me think this semester wasn't going to happen. Like if I could live in denial long enough it really would just go away. But today was a huge slap in the face. Life is happening. My last semester is here and I have no clue what I'm doing or goals or anything!

I let the thoughts take over. I let the panic set in. My heart started to race and my eyes were bugging out. The phrase "I can't" started playing over and over in my head. I was quickly on my way to shutting down. But then, I remembered a moment from this summer. I was sitting in my campus minsters office, completely overwhelmed, with a list about a mile long of things that needed to happen this year. I needed to 

.Bring my GPA up

.find a job

figure out which Divinity school I was going to apply to

.Make some decisions about SHINE

When that memory of this summer flashed in my head, I realized all those things had happened. God was reminding me how freaked out I was in July, but He had not abandoned  me. Things happened, I had the guidance I needed and I made it through that semester. Now, does that memory suddenly make me think everything is going to be sunshine and roses? Hell no! I am still scared out of my mind and really overwhelmed at everything I need to do and figure out before May. But there is a peace. No....peace isnt the right word. Assurance is better. I have an assurance. Like taking a deep breath. The overwhelming feeling is still there but I can think more clearly. And that is something I really need to work on. I need to work on remembering God's assurance is always there, I just have to embrace it. Even when I go from not caring to panic mood in 2.5 seconds.