God is big enough

I'm going to let you in on a little secret. Its something that took me a long time to realize.

God is big enough to handle me being mad at him.

Growing up, I pretty much thought it was a sin to be mad at God. Really, I thought anger in any form was wrong. But here is the thing, God gave us emotions. God gave us the ability to be mad. Despite popular belief, anger and being mad aren't sins. It becomes a sin when we allow our anger to hurt ourselves or hurt other. But the actual emotion of anger is not a sin. Even Jesus got angry. But I feel like we are feed this lie that we can't be mad at God--that we are only allowed to be joyful, reverent, and polite with God. And that is crap. We are allowed to be mad and more specifically, to be mad at God.  And God is big enough to handle us being mad at him, which I think is amazing. I don't really want to worship a god that punishes me for an emotion he gave me or that can't handle my human emotions. I want to and do worship a God that allows me to have emotions and to bring those emotions to him.

Right now, I'm mad at God. There are some major changes going on, changing that are affecting my convictions and my core. Which is fine, the actual issue needs to be dealt with, but what I'm mad about is the timing. If it would have happened a year ago, the outcome would have been drastically different than it is now. So now I'm left with a lot of questions and hurt. And I'm mad. I'm mad at the situation and I'm mad at God, at the timing and just how this whole thing happened. I've yelled at God and questioned God. I kinda feel like a kid throwing a tantrum--I just keep yelling until I tire myself out and finally fall into God's embrace. And that makes me stand in awe of God. I can yell at God and be pissed but God is still the same. God is big enough to take my yelling and to handle me being mad. God isn't going to damn me to hell or punish me for yelling and being pissed. God wants all of me and right now, this is me. And even though I am really really mad, I am also able to find comfort in God. I'm not running or pushing God away. This isn't hindering my walk--if anything it is making it stronger. True, lasting relationships come from people seeing you at your worst, and standing by you when you crumble. Life is messy and ugly and there is anger. And God is big enough for all of that.