Ummm...what?

Do you ever have those moments where you walk into a situation, 100% sure its going to go a certain way, then God totally shattered your expectations, so you're left standing there, picking your jaw up off the floor, trying to remember how to form words but all that is coming out are some confused "ummm"s and you just feel like this?


The best part is, I asked God for one thing, expected the complete opposite, and then was floored when I got what I had asked for.

I am part of this ministry group and I LOVE it!!! But we are struggling. We are struggling spiritually, emotionally, physically, and directionaly (is that a word? It is now.) Earlier this week we pretty much set down and had a DTR about the ministry. I was 100% sure we were going to call it quits. I was not at all okay with that, and shed many tears over it.  I poured my heart out at God asking what to do, and to please give us the direction and resources for this group to continue. But I didn't believe it. I limited God. I listen to my own self doubt that told me I had failed and so the group was going to end.

But then God completely blew me away and reminded me of how big God is. As the meeting got going, everyone else in the room was filled with this fire and passion that we had when we first started the group. They were fighting to continue because there is still a need and a passion for this group but most importantly, there is still a calling on our lives! We have let check lists and numbers cloud that calling, but the Holy Spirit started breaking through all of that. God was speaking through everyone in that room and I was LITERALLY sitting there with my mouth open, completely and totally speechless!

Over the past few days, it has slowly hit me what happened. The passion I once felt for this group is starting to fill me up again. However (this is me...of course there is a 'however') the self doubt voice is still there. What if we can't do it? What if  we fail? I just want to tell the self doubt to SHUT  UP!!! but it is there. I can't ignore but I will not let it run this group. God is bigger than my self doubts, bigger than the problems I am having. I know this sounds totally cliche and very Sunday school. And I really hate to sound churchy and shit. But I also know it takes a lot for me to sit there speechless. I am in awe of God and what he is doing.

Will this group survive? I don't know. Will God continue to move and work? ABSOLUTELY!!!