waiting to change

Before I really get into this blog, can we take a minute to acknowledge the fact that this makes my 3rd blog in a week?? YEAH!!!

Okay, enough of that.

There are two things I hate more than almost anything else. The first is change. I despise almost all typed of change, but I really hate when change pulls a ninja sneak attack from behind! The only time I am okay with change is when I get that "gotta move" feeling, that desire for an adventure! But that doesn't happen very often. The second thing I hate is waiting. I'm so impatient!! I have gotten better as I have gotten older, but I still have a ridiculously long way to go.

So yesterday, I had the realization that I am waiting for change. Isn't that just awesome?  I won't bore you with the details of the tearful fiasco that brought on this realization, but that was the conclusion I came to; I am waiting for change. And I have been for several months, but it has becoming more real lately. I'm just at one of those milestones in life where a lot changes all at once. There is nothing I can do to speed it up or slow it down, I just have to wait. As I'm waiting for this change that is on the horizon, I have lots of time to think about the change. Most people think about the new possibilities ahead. I'm not most people. I am so a 'glass half empty' kinda person. I think about everything that could go wrong. All the scary stuff. Now, don't think I'm one of those people that lets the fear of change stop me from living life. I'm totally not that extreme! But there is a lot of fear in change.

After I realized I am waiting for change, I also realized I've had more self doubt lately. If you haven't figured it out already, I am a weird mix extreme self-confidence/ self-assurance and major self-doubt. I know exactly who I am, what I'm about and have a pretty good idea of where I'm going. That comes from 90% God's amazing power in my life and 10% of my pure stubbornness and determination. But then there is the part of me that questions, doubts, and makes my heart wander away. And apparently  waiting for change kicks that part of me into high gear.

I love how God prepares me for things that I don't even realize. Two days ago God reminded me of the power of prayer. Then I have this realization that I am waiting for change. Is this realization fun? no. Is it something I need to acknowledge, confront, and deal with? yes. I needed to be reminded of the power of prayer for many different reasons, and one reason was so  dealing with 'waiting for change' wouldn't be so bad. Its like putting on a helmet before playing football. That tackle is still going to hurt like hell, but you've got great protection. (that's a really weird analogy, I know, but its all I could think of.)