A Chance to Serve

I love to serve. Service is one of my spiritual gifts, its how I show love, and I'm so happy and content to serve others. I love building relationships, and getting to know people, figuring out what they need and all that jazz. My prayer is often "give me your eyes, so I can see those around me." Sitting and talking to someone over a cup of coffee is pretty much my favorite thing in the whole world.   I even wrote a post about for one of the other blogs. (I normally don't promote myself, I promise, but I'm kinda proud of this one.) http://www.mymissionfulfilled.com/index.php?q=blog/coffee-and-community

There is a (big) down side to my love of service though. I don't know how to just sit with someone who is hurting. I feel awkward when I sit when a friend who is crying. I want to fix it, to do something to make it better! But more often than not, I can't fix it and it totally breaks my heart when I can't fix it. (Actually, I  can't ever fix it, only God can, but you know what I mean.) I fully believe you can serve someone by just sitting with them, hugging them, and letting them know they are not alone. I'm just really bad at that part.

The other day God gave me a huge reality check/ life lesson. He gave me a chance to serve someone by just being there. I really wish I could say I followed God's (very clear) direction and built this wonderful relationship. Nope. I did just the opposite. I failed, and I knew I was failing as it was happening.

I was in the library studying for a mid-term and I heard this girl start to cry. It wasn't hard to figure out why she was crying. Its midterms, she slammed her book shut, pushed it away from her and buried her head in her hands. It wasn't a sobbing kinda cry, but she was crying none the less. Crying in the library is not all that uncommon, especially this time of year. It happens to the best of us. I think there is some unwritten rule, that when someone cries in the library, you just let them be. But that's stupid! This girl was clearly hurting!!

I could literally feel God pulling me towards her and saying "You want to serve the hurting? Here you go!" But I started making excuses. I don't have shoes on (BY FAR the lamest excuse in the history of the entire world, I know) I need to study, she probably wants to be left alone, she stopped crying, I don't even know her. And here is my real excuse Tears make me really uncomfortable.  UGHHH! All so lame!!!! And I'm a terrible person, I know.

That situation was COMPLETELY out of my comfort zone. Honestly, I find that really strange. This summer I went over seas for a month. Even though I saw stuff that SERIOUSLY broke my heart, I loved the opportunities God gave me to service through actions AND through just sitting with people. The church I go to, the ministry group I'm involved in, the internship I want, all involve people hurting. They challenge me at times, but I'm in my element there. Yet, a girl crying in the library is outside of my comfort zone?!?! I don't understand.

I'm not proud of how I responded and would give anything to go back in time to change it. But I can't. And I also can't beat myself up about it. I can't punish myself for not moving. The only thing I can do is process it in prayer and learn from it. There will be another stranger in need that God will call me to. I fully believe God can grow me from my failures, which is good, because I have a lot of them. God has blessed me with a servant's heart! He is teaching me how to use it. I might not get it right every time. But I'm also learning how to allow God to teach me through the failures.