Coming... Home (?)

I'm spending the weekend at my favorite place IN THE ENTIRE WORLD. Camp Mundo Vista. I love this place!!! I was on staff from summer 2007-2011. This place has shaped who I am in so many ways. Its home. I can't put into words what Mundo means to me. God has grown me, broken me, healed me, and guided me here. My heart is on this mountain in a way words simply cannot describe.

Last summer, I made the extremely hard decision to spend the summer overseas. I knew God was calling me somewhere else, and in truth, I did need to step away from Mundo for a summer. So I did. And it was so hard (wonderful, but hard.) I had every intention to come back to Mundo, I was just 'taking a summer off.'

As I started the application process this year, something just felt...wrong. I answered all the questions on the application except that one that should be the easiest to answer;  "why do you want to work at Mundo this summer?" I struggled with that question. I couldn't answer it. Like physically COULD NOT answer it. I realized my days as a Mundo staffer had come to a close. And it hit me HARD. Like ugly crying hard.


Like I said, I'm spending the weekend here. We are doing a GA (Girls in Action) day and I'm the missionary. I usually get this rush of joy when I drive up the curvy drive way but tonight, that feeling wasn't there. I was home...but it was different. It's like that totally awkward-first-time-home-after-moving-away-to-college feeling. Its home, but you don't know what your place is anymore. Your roles have changed.

I needed to reflect. To remember the good and bad of camp. So I went down to my favorite place at camp, the outdoor Chapel. Its pitch black, so its perfect to sit and look at the stars.  I'm reflecting on the 5 summers that I spent here. What I learned, how I grew, the friends I made and most importantly, the way God used this place to impact my life. So I'm filled with joy as I sit, reflect and let 5 summers wash over me. I am also grieving (can I use grieving here? Am I being too dramatic?).  I'm grieving leaving this place I call home.

I know God has a plan for me that isn't Mundo. A plan that will be so awesome. But right now, I would give anything to change that plan and to come back to this mountain one more summer (although I know it would always be 'just one more summer'. Hell, I'll be 80 and want to be here.)

 I can't tie this blog up in a nice, neat way. This place is home, but I don't belong here anymore. But my heart will always be here. Its weird to grow up is all I can say.