Not a one-size-fits-all kinda thing.

I've been thinking a lot lately about my story/journey/testimony/ whatever you want to call it. I've been thinking about it because I am having to write it out for my divinity application and its terrifying. Really....they are asking me to document how inadequate I am so they can sit there and read it. Umm, no thanks. That sounds even more unpleasant than having an 8:00am class every single day. Applying to Div school is like that dream where you go to school and then suddenly realize you don't have any clothes on. Terrifying, Scary,Hoping no one judges you. AHHH.  But, If I want to get into divinity school, I have to do it, I have to write the essay. (Oh yeah, by the way. I stopped freaking out about divinity school  fighting God about Divinity. I still don't really think I can do it, but I do feel God pulling me there. So I'm filling out the application and hoping for the best. Fingers crossed!)

Okay so I have to write my "testimony". What does that even mean? First of all, I hate the word testimony. It feels too churchy, too official, too concrete, too....old. I like story or journey much better, because that's what it is. Its the story of how God has grown me, shaped me, and loved me. Its the journey I'm on with God, where I've been, where I am now, and where I'm going.  I haven't always been proud of my story. I have been judged for my story. Judged to the point that I didn't want to tell it anymore! Some was outright judgement. Other times it was someone saying something, "How can that girl do that and still call herself a Christian?" They weren't talking about me, but I had done that  and worse! I have also been extremely blessed to have Godly people that encourage me in telling my story. People that taught me it is okay to have the story I have. And people that I feel comfortable telling my story to because I know they love me.

Thinking about my personal story has made me think about people's journeys as a whole. In the Christian world, a person's story should be shared, accepted, and encouraged right? Right, it SHOULD be. But is it always? Are we always excited to hear people's story? Or do we have to set aside one Sunday night a month to have "testimony time".  Do we always encourage someone's story? Some people/places expect you to have a "Road to Damascus" story. Their story/faith isn't valid if it doesn't start with Hell raising, drugs, drinking, sex and running from God and end with this huge, emotional and spiritual moment that came from hitting rock bottom. On the other hand, some places condemned people for having a "Road to Damascus" story. People are judged when they didn't grow up in church and accept Christ one summer at camp as a kid.  But that's not how it should work! Our journey with God isn't a one-size-fits-all kinda thing. Every person  has a unique and beautiful story about God's love.

Even my story doesn't fall into just one catagory. I did grow up in the church, and started following Christ when I was a kid. But I made a LOT of bad decision. Like really bad and so ridiculous! And I have most defiantly hit rock bottom...hard.  I don't say that to glorify the bad decisions. I'm so proud of my story, not because of anything I have done, but what God has done, even when I gave him ever reason to think of me as a lost cause. My story may have some rough spots. Mostly, those rough spots are because I ran, I disobeyed God, I made bad decision. My story also has triumphs, achievements, and just some cool stuff. And what makes my story beautiful is God's love in all of it.

So this is the part where I lay my story out for you.

 umm....about that. I know I just wrote this whole thing about telling your story and being proud. But I'm not going to lay it all out on this blog for everyone to see. There is no great reason other than I'm scared too. I do love my story, but I am still a bit to guarded to just lay it all out. Also, a good bit of my story  involves other people, some truly amazing and hugely positive influences on my life and some are bad relationships and hurt feelings. And even if I don't use names, some of them would probably be easy to figure out and that isn't fair to them or to me.  However, if you do want to hear my story, ask me! I will tell you! But know, I am going to ask you about your story too!!!!

ps
I thought about not writing this. I was debating it, not because of the quality or anything. But because this blog is suppose to be about ministry, LIFE, and coffee. All my blogs are about ministry and not life. AHHH.. stupid. Like I can separate the two or something? Like I have a quota of ministry blogs, quota of life blogs and quota of coffee blogs each month. Ministry is life and the parts of my life that aren't ministry are either boring (like 5 hours in the library....yeah I know, you don't want to read a blog about that) OR , for different reason, are not appropriate to post on here (nothing crazy! Just personal relationships that don't need to be blogged about.) I say all that to say, sorry if this blog is turning into a churchy blog. So not my intention.